.letting go.

So I've had something on my mind for a while, and I thought I'd share my heart a little.  So jump in. Stay a while...

I graduated 3 months ago, and since then I've been pursuing a job in Interior Design.  So far the search has not revealed any available design jobs.  I've gotten a lot of "no's" and one "call back in two years when the economy is better".  Needless to say, the job search the past few months hasn't been exactly encouraging.  If I'm being honest, there have been a few emotional meltdowns.  Nothing that a little chocolate can't fix....I even wrote a song called, "nobody knows the truffles I've seen".  That was a joke.  In all seriousness, the past few months have been really tough for me.  It's very difficult to understand why in the world I went to college for 4 years and spent half my life on projects to not be able to do what I went to school for.  You might think I'm complaining, and I might be a little bit.  It just makes my heart sad that I'm not able to do what I've dreamed of for the past few years.

I had some time on the road this weekend, and during the drive and through some tears, I started to let myself realize that my dreams may not come to fruition as soon as I'd like.  I feel like the Lord is wanting me to let go for now and trust Him.  He's reminding me that I am not in control of my life, which is not easy for me.  Y'all know I really like to know what's going on, and I usually have some sort of plan.  So you'll understand that letting go of that control is not a piece of cake.

My core group girls and I are starting a study of Hebrews, and in last week's reading there was a line that really stood out to me.  It described Hebrews as "an appeal for endurance in spite of difficulty, perseverance in the face of disappointment".  Is this really the most difficult thing I will ever have to deal with? No. I have been blessed with a part time job.  It pays the bills.  But am I disappointed that it's not in my field?  Yes.  I'm not going to stop looking for a design job.  It's still important to make contacts and get my name out there, but I don't want to waste this time of my life just waiting around for it.

I don't know what the Lord has planned for my life.  I don't understand it at all.  That's exciting and scary at the same time.  Maybe it's time to let go of my career dream...for now.  I believe the Lord will bless me with that some day, but I think He's giving this time to me right now to pursue other things. I'm not saying I won't have "major weeper" moments, but I am determined to learn how to really let go and trust the Lord knows exactly what He is doing in my life.  I think I'll be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

I do ask that you pray for me, friends.  I hope I've given you enough to understand what I'm struggling with, and what I hope to overcome.

Thanks.  I love you guys.

p.s. y'all should check this out.  it's so sweet and nurturing and just plain awesome. share the love.